YOU, yes you, personally, are destroying the planet

Do you ever wonder why people commute by car? Driving by themselves, instead of taking public transport, and thereby ruining the planet? And killing all the polar bears? And making Al Gore cry?

Well, does any of this sound familiar:

• Are you one of those people who, on a crowded commuter train, takes up two seats by putting all your shit on the seat next to you? Instead of at your feet or on the handy overhead shelf?
  

• Do you, instead of graciously moving your shit when asked, roll your eyes, sigh heavily, and then look around you for another seat for the seatless commuter, because of course, your St*rb*cks muffin deserves its own tray?

• Are you one of those people who refuse to move to the back of the fucking bus? Do you ignore the vast area of space behind you, preferring instead to marinate in the miasma of BO and halitosis produced by your little cluster of fellow fuckwits on a muggy damp afternoon? Thus forcing passengers who board the bus after you to squeeze past your backpack and sweaty flesh to get to the back for a bit of oxygen that hasn't spent the last twenty minutes in the vicinity of your armpit?
  

If you are any of the aforementioned people, then I would like to inform you that you are the reason the earth is becoming an overheated piece of barren rock. You are the murderer of species upon species. Over your behaviour, the baby Jesus cries. You are the reason people don't take public transport.