Monday, September 24, 2007

In denial

Whole shedloads of things have to be done in the next couple of weeks. I've done none of it. I'm in total denial about what I need to do. We need to sort out the move, but we don't have anywhere to move to. We can't find a place to move into in the next few weeks, so we have to find a temporary place. I need to sort out bank accounts and tax numbers (without a permanent address! Ha!). I know I have to do all this but I can't get myself to think about it. It's a kind of mental paralysis.

Every time I try to turn my mind to the whole thing, it starts panicking. If there was a gauge or meter on it, you'd see the needle ramp up to the "Red: danger" zone, so my brain shuts down. A nice, cooling grey film sort of drops over the whole thing. But that background level of panic is still there; I live in a constant state of mild hyperventilation and slightly elevated heart rate. There's a continuous buzzing in my head.

I fear that this is my life for the next month of month and a half.


Averil said...

Oh I know that feeling! I tend to surround myself in paper and lists of things to do. That way I feel like I´m actually doing something, although it often means I´m just rewriting lists and making them bigger (size)so they are harder to avoid. Still don´t do anything.. Then, I rewrite them again in red with exclamation marks etc. The sinking feeling of `Oh where to start´ becomes frustration with both myself and the system, turning to sheer panic the week before the deadline.. but it generally works out! I survived moving my life to Madrid from Cork, and I only spoke a little Spanish. To be honest I don´t know how I did it! 18mths later I´m still battling with all the red tape but I did it! And it will all come together for you too (though I know this doesn´t help now!)

Congratulations to you both re the new jobs. I hope you both will be very happy there.

P.S. Did you ever think of going into personal coaching/ motivation? It sounds like that´s another skill you could put on your CV.

jacqueline said...

ever consider taking up drinking again?