Sunday, May 04, 2008

What's a peripatetic scientist to do?

The last few weekends have been quite busy socially for me and The Limey. Weddings, birthday parties, Easter celebrations- all invitations from The Limey's university friends who live in London now, or at least down south. He reconnected with a bunch of them after moving back to the UK. They're lovely people; nice, fun, really friendly to me and great about making me feel like one of the group, even though they've all known each other for a decade and I've never met most of them more than once or twice.

Although I enjoy hanging out with them, and of course I like seeing The Limey happy at meeting up with old friends again, it really emphasizes the fact that I have no friends here. It's all this moving around every few years business. Also, although I was never one to make friends easily in the first place, I think, as I get older, I'm finding it even harder. I have less patience for the awkward beginning stages of friendship, and the actual working at making friends thing. Also, I grow more and more comfortable in my own company and doing my own thing, so it's easier for me to just not make the effort. Obviously, this is bad, and contributes to my becoming a bitter misanthrope who can't be bothered to interact with people. More importantly, it means I have no friends to go shopping with and stay up late drinking far too much wine with.

At least when I was still in some form of schooling, there were my classmates, and seeing them regularly helped to form friendships. At work, it's a little more awkward. Now, it's lots more difficult, because I don't even live in the same town as my work colleagues. I try to stay for drinks or whatever after work, but I'm always having to catch a train, so I never go out to dinner with them, or get to the Sunday pub quiz, or get together with them outside of work hours.

I don't know if it's solely a problem with me, either. I mean, most of the people at work hang out with other people from work. Aside from a few people who have lived in the city for years and years, the ones who have moved there for the job in the last few years mostly seem to stick together.

Something has to be done, but I'm not sure what.


Averil said...

If you find the answer let me know! Cos I could benefit from it too. My boy is Spanish so I experience the same, meet ups with his friends, who are lovely and always make me feel welcome, but leave me feeling the same as you, without my own friends.

I thought connecting with the local SnB group here would be the answer but it´s not. It only meets once a month, and people don´t attend regularly so it always feels like the first meeting.

You´re not alone!

Caitriona said...

Let me know too!
I've been feeling the same way lately. We've moved quite close to where by boyfriend grew up though not to the same town. Still, his friends are around and mine aren't. Again, they're all very nice, but they've all known each other for forever and I don't really feel like I know them at all.
I've found it harder to move here with him than I did when I moved to the US on my own but maybe it's because I'm not making as much of an effort as I should be.

Heidirific said...

I found the same thing. I made some friends through knitting. Can you join any sports or other clubs? Sometimes it is easier to make friends when there is a shared task...