Two and a half months

When I tell people that I'm not allowed to work for six months until the Justice Department and immigration people process some paperwork (go on, ask me how efficient the Irish government is at this), usually they put on a "you lucky bastard" face and tell me they'd love that and to enjoy it. A few people who have actually had large amounts of work-less time, for whatever reason, had more sobering advice: make the most of it during the short amount of time that this will be enjoyable. They told me that they loved it for the first 2 to 3 months, after which they nearly went of their minds with the pointless, aimless, dull sameness of the days. Apparently, there are only so many days that you would enjoy not showering, sitting around in your robe, and having no reason to leave the house or talk to people. At that point, asking yourself, What am I going to do today? leads to despair, because the answer is moot- whatever it is you decide to do, it really doesn't matter.

Well. I officially entered this second stage yesterday. I did the usual: got up, had a bagel (toasted, with cream cheese), had some juice (orange, usually with added calcium, but not this time), fired up the computer, looked at my knitting for a bit, checked my e-mail, and then, suddenly thought, Oh Jesus, I can't be doing this all day again.

I know, I know... more energetic and gung-ho people have said, Get out of the house! Do something! But it's March in Dublin; it's wet, and cold, and it's freakin' miserable outside. Plus, I'm not supposed to spend any money, so outside + no money needs a bit of creativity. At any rate, I'm really just lazy. If there's no compelling reason for me to put on proper clothes and shoes and step outside, I just won't do it.

But now, this four more months of doing nothing, stretching away in front of me, is making me totally depressed. The thing is, with six months of no job, I should have had a Project. Something big that I should have taken advantage of the time to do. Write the great American novel, started a knitwear design company, learned how to paint, trained to become a plumber...something! But, no, not only have I not done anything, I don't even have enough energy to think about it at this point. I've wasted two and a half months, and I look set to waste the next four.

Oooh, I've totally failed at this "having no job" business. Yuck.